There Are No Victims, Just Volunteers

My friends, it has been a trying few days. The Army Dude had to write an argumentative essay for the Army Dude School he is attending. I don't know why it was so difficult for him, since he was argumentative with me the whole time.

In his defense, it's been about twenty years since he wrote anything other than Army memos and reports. I volunteered to be the editor and proofreader, which is a fancy title for "bad news delivery girl." It was, as you can imagine, a perfect storm.

Just when I was wondering where I might be able to hide his body if I did him in, The Army Dude showed up with a really nice "Congratulations on Your Bar Mitzvah" card for my upcoming trip. By the time I finished laughing, he was forgiven.

The essay has been submitted, thank goodness. I've already told the Army Dude that if he calls me in July -- when the next essay is due -- I will answer the phone "G'day" because I will be in Australia for the duration.

Can you see those suitcases peeking up behind the chair on the left? STILL NOT PACKED.

Things That Make You Go Awwwwwww

Pack In The Presence Of The Passenjaire

I don't even OWN any of these garments.

A lot of people have been asking me what I'm packing to wear in France, and it's really beginning to stress me out. You would think that after years of knowing me, my friends would understand the care and feeding of a neurotic person. Which, in case you were wondering, precludes things like repeatedly asking them what they are packing to go to Paris because said neurotic person starts thinking what you're really saying is that they look like dog vomit most of the time and will embarass the entire country with their hillbilly ways.

So now I'm dealing with a case of Packing Paralysis. I think about packing. But then I get nervous and jittery and find something else to do. Which brings me around to these:

My niece Katie wanted me to bring something representing her to Paris. I thought what could be better than Katie on a Steek? So I made a couple of them.

This one was a Halloweeen costume, but I thought it would give that haute couture look, especially since she looks exactly like a runway model: giant head and stick body. I think Katie on a Steek will enjoy having adventures, just like Catwoman does. I even have experience in this area as I have helped with a few Catwoman photo shoots.

Incidentally, I am bringing pajama pants but they are cute and have Hello Kitty on them and I plan to wear them to sleep in, not to wear out and about. I don't think they even have Walmart in France.

Auntie Finds Baffling Message at ATM

What can it mean???

Words of Wisdom: Margot Potter

Whatever you are doing that you think is so new and cool, I can guarantee you some seemingly innocent little old lady already did it first.

Mary In The Kitchen

This is my kitchen window, which holds two more Blessed Mother images. It's also home to a soap dispenser, the delft blue girl I brought from Holland for my grandmother (which I got back after she died) and a little blue and white bowl that holds my rings while I do dishes.


The candle is a Sacred Heart of Mary votive that I got at the grocery store. It says "Sagrado Corazon De Maria," and it's made in Mexico. It has the Mary's Magical Open Heart Surgery (With Flames) motif that totally freaked me out when I was a kid. But you know, you grow.


The other image to the right of the candle is more visible in the photo below:

It's a bread press. You press it down onto a slice of bread, and then once the bread is toasted or grilled, the image appears. Voila! Holy Toast.

Words of Wisdom: Jonathan Cainer

You and I are made of carbon. And that's stardust!

Image: nasa.gov

Quote: cainer.com

This Just In

Good news! I thought you, my gentle readers, would want to be the first to know that there is a robin in my yard. A sign of spring! Never mind that there is a possiblity of snow in the forecast for tomorrow. Robin is sending the message that warmer days are just around the corner.


Wait. Not that kind of robin.

This kind of robin. I said it was good news, not awesome news.

Words of Wisdom: P.G. Wodehouse

Act Now! Operators Are Standing By!

WANTED: Job for individual with such a high degree of fabulosity as to be almost unemployable.

Candidate possesses excellent organizational skills and the ability to pull miracles out of thin air (also known as the sport of Extreme Problem Solving). Able to get a great deal of work done while appearing to be engaged in nothing in particular. Candidate has reached a state of decrepitude where she can no longer do any heavy lifting, but she is still willing to do the odd bit of climbing to reach the desired objective. Well-versed in Microsoft Office applications, but may, at first, run screaming from the room if presented with an Excel spreadsheet. Can Google like a rock star. Plays well with others, provided the others are not marinating in unmedicated mental illness.

Special Skills:
• An encyclopedic knowledge of show tunes
• Spelling savant
• Drawing food cartoons
• Writing, drawing, and saying random things that make her co-workers laugh
• Large catalog of literary quotes to be deployed at various times
• Plus! Almost daily cat stories, absolutely free!

Going To Great Lengths

This is my newest jewelry creation. It's a 36-inch chain with three different sizes of washers that I attached with jump rings. You can't really tell in the picture, but the chain has a slightly blackened finish. The necklace is very lightweight.

I was inspired by the necklaces I've been seeing in magazines and catalogs. (I believe the image on the left is from a Nordstrom ad; the one on the right is from the Femail Creations catalog.) I don't tend to wear a lot of long necklaces, but I liked the look so I thought it would be fun to take the idea and put my hardware spin on it.

I'm sort of proud of this little innovation. I put two clasps on the necklace and added a washer in between so I can double the necklace when I want to, but the washer is easily removed.

I also feel like the two clasps are less noticeable than one clasp and one jump ring would be, because of the symmetry. But maybe that's just me.

SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

It's time to unveil the biggest news since... well, since I went on my big trip across the country.

I'm going to Paris in April.

I know. I can't believe it, either.

A friend (who prefers to remain nameless on this blog, but who is awesome) invited me to spend 10 days in a luxury apartment in Paris. A. Luxury. Apartment. The closest I normally get to that is the "shabby chic" of my own apartment or the glamour of the Motel 6 in Van Horn, TX. How could I say no?

I couldn't. So I'm going, lack of employment be damned. Yay!


Image: Bigfoto.com

Time's A-Wastin'

I love the expressions.

Spring had better arrive quickly, or I am going to go back to calling Punxsutawney Phil "that [expletive deleted because my mom reads this blog] rodent."