WANTED: Job for individual with such a high degree of fabulosity as to be almost unemployable.
Candidate possesses excellent organizational skills and the ability to pull miracles out of thin air (also known as the sport of Extreme Problem Solving). Able to get a great deal of work done while appearing to be engaged in nothing in particular. Candidate has reached a state of decrepitude where she can no longer do any heavy lifting, but she is still willing to do the odd bit of climbing to reach the desired objective. Well-versed in Microsoft Office applications, but may, at first, run screaming from the room if presented with an Excel spreadsheet. Can Google like a rock star. Plays well with others, provided the others are not marinating in unmedicated mental illness.
Special Skills:
• An encyclopedic knowledge of show tunes
• Spelling savant
• Drawing food cartoons
• Writing, drawing, and saying random things that make her co-workers laugh
• Large catalog of literary quotes to be deployed at various times
• Plus! Almost daily cat stories, absolutely free!
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