Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Socially Awkward

At every company-sponsored shindig (in fact, at pretty much every social event in my small city) a great deal of talk ensues about people who are not present but who are known to the group: who bought a house, who has what number of kids, whose kid got accepted to which college, whose wife "had" to go to work, who is getting a divorce.

At the last company dinner, one of the women mentioned someone in her neighborhood who was going through a divorce and had worn her wedding dress to take her kids trick-or-treating. I asked what the dress had looked like and the woman across the table stared at me blankly. "She just wore her wedding dress as a costume," she said. Like I might be a little dumb.

I explained, "If you're going to wear your wedding dress as a Halloween costume because you are going through a divorce, you have to WORK it. She should have torn the hem, run it over a couple of times with her car, and written things on it with a Sharpie, such as 'LYING CREEP' and "SO MUCH FOR FOREVER'." People were looking at me strangely.

"Wear her hair messy and bedraggled... smear her makeup... make it performance art..." I lapsed into silence. People started discussing other topics.

Awkward moments like that, my friends, are why I rarely get invited anywhere.


Beth said...

I have the unique gift of knowing exactly the right quip to say at the perfect time- but I spew out nonsense the rest of the time. I feel for you- I would have said the same thing.

Fidget Finds said...

The thing about saying awkward things is that it's a thousand times better than quietly accepting everything stupid that's being said around you. And you were right, she should have ravaged her dress!

Maria said...

Thanks, ladies! I'm so glad I'm not the only one!

Anonymous said...

Oh My God! I would have laughed right out loud at your response to that one. What a dork to wear a wedding dress at Halloween.