The Week In Weird

I've been blaming it on last Saturday's eclipse. Things have been strange around here in a random kind of way.

Episode 1: I was at home eating my lunch when a man walked through the yard and knocked on my window waving a piece of paper. Upon investigation, I discovered that he had a delivery of bluestone for my address. I was pretty excited because I had visions of a DIY Stonehenge in the backyard, but alas, it turned out to be gravel for the driveway.

The gentleman needed help getting my landlord's cleaning lady's car moved because she was not answering the door. I got her to move the car because I am an administrative ninja and I know how to get things done.

Episode 2: I was leaving the library when an elderly nun asked me for a ride. Of course I said "Certainly, Sister" even though I was running a little late. While I fully expect to go to Hell, I am not looking for a fireside seat.

She turned out to be lovely, and we had a very nice chat as we drove across town. I learned that her favorite movie is The Sound of Music, which tickled me. I don't know what I was expecting. Terminator 2?

Episode 3: My father sent me a birthday card. I had no idea he knew when my birthday was, or could tell you my age if you put a gun to his head. Come to think of it, I still don't know if he knows my age, but that's okay. I'll just tell him I'm 29.

Socially Awkward

At every company-sponsored shindig (in fact, at pretty much every social event in my small city) a great deal of talk ensues about people who are not present but who are known to the group: who bought a house, who has what number of kids, whose kid got accepted to which college, whose wife "had" to go to work, who is getting a divorce.

At the last company dinner, one of the women mentioned someone in her neighborhood who was going through a divorce and had worn her wedding dress to take her kids trick-or-treating. I asked what the dress had looked like and the woman across the table stared at me blankly. "She just wore her wedding dress as a costume," she said. Like I might be a little dumb.

I explained, "If you're going to wear your wedding dress as a Halloween costume because you are going through a divorce, you have to WORK it. She should have torn the hem, run it over a couple of times with her car, and written things on it with a Sharpie, such as 'LYING CREEP' and "SO MUCH FOR FOREVER'." People were looking at me strangely.

"Wear her hair messy and bedraggled... smear her makeup... make it performance art..." I lapsed into silence. People started discussing other topics.

Awkward moments like that, my friends, are why I rarely get invited anywhere.

Sunday: A Day of Rest

I know I rarely post two days in a row, but I'm on injured reserve today and I'm looking for things to do to distract me from the fact that my house could use a lot more cleaning than it got this morning. Tonight I am volunteering as an usher at my dance school's recital and I'd like to feel good enough to be polite to all the people I will be greeting and helping to find seats. Also, since I dance at the school, I'd prefer to look more like a dancer and less like a decrepit old woman with a bad back.

Yesterday the Army Dude and I went for a death march walk at Tillinghast Pond in West Greenwich, RI. The thing about walking with the Army Dude is that he is very task-oriented and if he is going to walk, he is going to set a brisk pace - one, two, left, right - and he is going to keep that pace up until the trail ends or the enemy is defeated, whichever comes first.

I could ask him to slow down, of course, but I have my pride and I am going to prove that I can keep up with an Army Dude. But yesterday, surrounded by the beauty that is Tillinghast Management Area, I realized how much was racing by me and that although I could keep up, I didn't want to. So I slowed down and actually looked around me and enjoyed myself thoroughly. It is not how I hurt my back.

I didn't even hurt my back practicing for my Superhero ability in case I ever get it. If I could choose one Superhero ability, it would be flight. It's a selfish choice, because I'd be able to fly anywhere but without super strength or the ability to melt metal with a stare, I couldn't do much when I got there. So the choice is not about helping humanity. It's about the fact that I fly quite often in my dreams and I think it would be awesome to experience it for real.

Actually, I hurt my back later in the day, helping the Army Dude move furniture in his bedroom. Which sounds like a sexy euphemism, but is actually the plain truth. Yesterday's score:

Leather recliner: 2

Maria: 0

All Over The Place

It's been an interesting day so far, chez moi. The sun is shining on a Saturday for the first time since - I don't know, Washington was president, or so it seems. I've received two blogger awards from Beth over at Refashion, Recycle, Reuse (check out her blog; she's a riot whose kids have the coolest names ever).


Regarding the sunshine, I've already taken a walk down by the beach and have plans for a cookout with the Army Dude later this afternoon. But right now, the awards:

This is very exciting! It's kind of like winning an Oscar but not having to go out and be around people or stay up past my bedtime. Which makes it that much more awesome. Unlike Beth, I am not going to post a picture of myself accepting the award because she was wearing a very cute vintage dress and I am wearing yoga pants and a pink tee shirt that says "Princess" on it. My toenails are pink, so there is a little style to be had. But not much.

Like Beth, I am going to tell you five things about myself and then pay it forward.

1. I have an encyclopedic knowledge of showtoons. Everyone has an idiot savant ability, and remembering song lyrics is mine.

2. I have an unreasonable fear that if I don't engage the parking brake when I park my car, it will roll away. I would believe this even if I were parking my car in Kansas.

3. I am an avid reader and always have 3 or 4 books going at once.

4. I love to walk in graveyards. I once made a trip to Sleepy Hollow Cemetery in Concord, MA because I'd read that it was really pretty and because Louisa May Alcott is buried there.

5. I also have a food blog. Oddly enough, the readerships for the two blogs don't overlap much.

And now the people upon whom I wish to bestow these honors:

Fidget Finds

Va-Voom Vintage

Tomato Kumato

The Fashion Historian

I Love Dick

The Eagles In Concert At Gillette Stadium

I went to Gillette Stadium at Foxboro to see The Eagles, Keith Urban, and The Dixie Chicks in concert last Saturday night. It was awesome! It was especially cool to see the Eagles in concert after hearing their music for most of my life. I don't know how Don Henley and Glenn Frey have kept their iconic voices for forty years, but they have. Joe Walsh, not so much - but the guy can still play a wicked guitar.

What I love about my fellow New Englanders: it was pouring rain and the stadium was packed with people ready to have a good time. Most of us came prepared with rain ponchos or raincoats; the few who did not were mostly young women sporting the wet-white-tank-top-and-black-bra look. Which, if that's your thing, rock on.

What I don't love about my fellow New Englanders: There is a Chatty VanTalkington at every event, and he or she always sits right behind me. This particular Chatty VanTalkington - or as his mother calls him when she is annoyed enough to use all three names, Chatty Jackass VanTalkington - was so loud he outshouted seven banks of speakers two stories high. I was not interested in his running commentary.

Luckily, Chatty Jackass left halfway through the Eagles' set. Something tells me he thought it would be smart to leave early and avoid traffic. Which, dude, it's the Eagles. They've been churning out hits since 1972 and they still sound awesome. What's a little rain and traffic compared to that?

Words of Wisdom: Mary Oliver

I love this poem so much I want to have it tattooed to the inside of my forearm, so I think of it always.


Wild Geese

You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting --
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things.


Copyright Mary Oliver

Awesome Rating: Pretty High

While it doesn't reach the Awesome Stratosphere like the guest room I stayed in at my friends' home in Tucson, I think my new comforter is pretty cool. I've wanted one for awhile, but since Daphne The Occasionally Evil Feline likes to express herself in poop, I've been putting it off.

Comforters are an important purchase. If bought in haste - or, as I once did, with the input of a guy who dumped me only a few months later - they can be a source of consternation and regret. Not to mention the tiny tears I would cry if I spent two hundred bucks on something, only to have the cat poop on it shortly thereafter. So imagine my excitement when I found this whole bed-in-a-bag shebang for $45 at Target.

Yes, I had to shift a few things around, because no, I haven't gotten completely reorganized even though I've been back from vacation for 4 days. And yes, that is my Hello Kitty pillow. Don't judge me.