Thursday, August 19, 2010

The Sartorial Conundrums Of An Old Maid

I found out yesterday that my 24-year-old niece is getting married (by reading her changed status on Facebook. Honestly, kids today). Aside from wishing her every happiness and hoping that this young man is worthy of her, yadda yadda, I am wondering what is the appropriate garb for a maiden aunt in these circumstances. Because really, it's all about me and my clothes.

Right now I'm thinking about a Victorian ensemble in a quiet gray, with pearls and a picture hat. I'd wear a vintage perfume like rosewater or lavender, and carry a lacy, monogrammed, and scented hankie with which to wipe away my tears of joy.

I'd have to get to work right away on learning to talk like Anne of Green Gables, who had the most INTERESTING way of speaking. I could start peppering my conversation with phrases like "there is such scope for imagination," and "it was so romantic and tragical."

An outfit like the one above would make an excellent Old Maid statement, but I'm a little concerned about the size of the waist. For even an industrial strength corset to get my waist that small, I'd have to give up chocolate for a year. And that would be TRAGICAL.


Beth said...

My vote is for you to bring a 24 year old bartender to the wedding as your date- not for your image or anything as shallow as that (they are your family after all) but to ensure you have teh time of your life at the wedding and for a few hours after too.

Maria said...

LOL! I see my reputation for dating younger men precedes me! ;)

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