Yesterday, I was in the office alone, minding my own business, getting some work done, when the aforementioned Port Captain walked in.
After the usual greetings, he said "I have something to show you. Now, keep your hands to yourself and your eyes where they belong." He began to unbuckle his belt.
I was intrigued.
He turned around and showed me the top of one very small, very pink butt cheek. He'd been tanning bare-ass after all. Nice butt, too.
My life. I could not make this shit up if I tried.