Scene: My apartment, 7 p.m. I am on a yoga mat in the middle of the floor, stretching. The Army Dude is on the couch, holding the remote.
Army Dude: My neck is killing me.
Me: Do you want some Advil?
Army Dude: No, I'll be fine.
Me: It's not just a painkiller; it also has anti-inflammatory properties.
Army Dude: No, thanks.
Me: Do you want to use the heating pad? (Points to opposite end of couch.) I'm done with it.
Army Dude: No, I don't think so.
Me: I have one that wraps around your neck. Do you want me to get it?
Army Dude: No, I don't want a heating pad.
Me: How about trying my new shiatsu neck massager?
Army Dude: No, really. I'm fine. I'll just relax here and watch this episode of Food Network Challenge.
Me: 'K.
Cat enters, stage left. Blinks. Yawns.
THE END.
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